ElaineFlinn.com

Posted by Murderati on January 31st, 2007 in On The Bubble

Bob Levinson is living proof that it’s never to late to follow your dream.  Bob Levinson is living proof that one can have multiple careers - excel in each - and still tackle another with resounding success.  Where he has found the time and energy to wear so many hats, is astounding.  Six acclaimed books, short stories, an active member (and often holding board seats) of MWA, ITW, Writers Guild of America, Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, SINC, Private Eye Writers of America…and besides a host of others…Bob was a six-term president of the Hollywood Press Club -which later voted THE ELVIS AND MARILYN AFFAIR - ‘The Best Novel About Hollywood’ in it’s annual HPC Awards of Distinction.   AND THEN…he produced one of the absolutely BEST entertaining awards gala evening EVER at last years ThrillerFest in Phoenix.  I mean, he had a packed room stomping their feet and clapping until it hurt. 

SO, COME JOIN OUR CONVERSATION AND MEET A GENUINE DYNAMO - A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS - I GIVE YOU BOB LEVINSON! 

BOB LEVINSON  http://www.robertslevinson.com

EE:  Rumors are rampant, Bob - that after producing that rollicking ITW Gala last year in Phoenix - Hollywood is making overtures for a nod for next year’s Oscar party - but you’ll only agree if you can bring the dazzling Killerettes along.  So, what’s the scoop on that?

BL:  Well, if you insist… Truth is - the Killerettes started that rumor - originally talking about performing at the Hollywood Foreign Press awards banquet.  Alex said later they were inspired by Heather’s Golden Globes (Harley said I’m the one said that, not Alex.  If the gag just got a laugh, Harley’s correct.  No laugh, what does she know anyway?)

There are times when even moi - Evil E - leaves answers alone.

EE:  And isn’t it true that John Lescroat is demanding to go along with you as chaperon for those lovely ladies, but F. Paul Wilson and Michael Palmer are flipping coins over who will watch Lescroat?

BL:  Those guys rock, but absolutely not.  I work alone.

Wise move - I know those guys, and well…

EE:  Most writers I know have a quote or two they keep by their computer.  Do you have one, or do you write your own?  Can we steal them?

BL:  There’s a quote I’ve kept close going back decades, to my years on a Selectric:  "Im ain, mi li?  It’s from the Talmud and translates as - If I am not for me, who is?  And this one from Marcel Duchamp:  "Don’t let yourself become hypnotized by the smiles of yesterday; rather, invent the smiles of tomorrow"

One of my making has been quoted for years:  Don’t give up the quip. (And you can’t imagine how tired I am of going around quoting myself…)

Damn, those are all so good - I’m not sure which one I want to steal!

EE:  Besides writing, Bob - what would you be doing if you weren’t writing?

BL:  I’d be struggling as an actor instead of struggling as an author.

I doubt it would be much of a struggle!  You have a knack for making dreams happen.

EE:  "Write what you know" is what new writers are always told - so I’m wondering here, Bob - (and it’s been rumored) - if those letters between Marilyn & Elvis in your debut book - THE ELVIS AND MARILYN AFFAIR - were really letters Marilyn sent to you.  I think it’s time we knew the real skinny on this.

BL:  Get real, my darling.  If that first novel had been titled THE BOB AND MARILYN AFFAIR. you really think it would have found a publisher?  However, I do remember bumping into Marilyn once and for some reason was immediately struck by thoughts of the Hollywood Foreign Press awards  banquet.

Uh, I think I’ll pass on this one too. 

EE:  As a seasoned and popular panelist - we’d all like to know who would be your ideal panel mates at the next con?

BL:  Any on a long list of those whose talent I admire and opinions I respect, who welcome opportunity to educate and inform an audience based on their practiced knowledge and experience, especially the authors with a natural, spontaneous wit, able to spice their serious observations with a bit of humor.  Happily, they outnumber the authors who hijack a panel and use it to promote themselves and their latest book exclusively, motormouths too self-absorbing to realize the good will and sales their showboating is likely to cost them.

Yep - I’ve seen a few of those hijackers…and I don’t buy their books.  And - you’ll never see them here at OTB.

EE:  What advice - if any - would you like to offer writers these days?  I don’t mean just new writers - all of us.

BL:  Hmmm. I suppose something along the lines of "Don’t be discouraged."  For new writers, it’s by those rejection letters from agents and editors.  For published authors outside the safety zone of the NY Times bestseller list, it’s the sense of gloom and doom caused by corporate mergers, a shrinking market place, indie bookstores going out of business, and, of course, the fear of falling off the mid-list as the mid-list shrinks into memory.  I believe resiliency is the key to success and survival.  I also believe for every drop of rain that falls a flower grows.  And to all of us, I say - nay, I sing (everybody join in!):  When you’re down and out, lift up your head and shout, "There’s gonna be a great day!"

Great advice, Bob.  I wonder how many terrific books are still languishing in a box somewhere because rejections from agents and editors were just too much to take.  One should remember the number of rejections The Godfather and Catch-22 encountered.

EE:  You and Sandra are having six guests for dinner.  Who are they - and what will you serve?

BL:  Since our dining room table can seat twelve guests, we’ll go with some of the usual crowd: Gershwin, Jolson, Merman, Berle, Eddie Robinson, Hitchcock, Wilder, Hemingway, Truffault, Lennon, Audrey Hepburn, and reserve one place for you, dear Elaine.

The dinner, as prepared by our Chef Sandra:  Assorted cheese and crackers; a salad of mixed baby greens with balsamic vinaigrette dressing; Cornish game hens with Dijon walnut sauce served on wild rice; baby artichokes; lemon gelato and cookies for dessert - coffee and appropriate dinner and dessert wines.

Moi?  I’m invited too?  With that bunch?  My heart is jumping here.  Can I sit next to Eddie Robinson (I can talk art) and Berle (maybe he could help me develop a sense of humor) - and oh, Audrey Hepburn?  Maybe I should just help Sandra?  I mean, that’s an awesome group, Bob.

EE:  Which best selling book do you wish you’d written?  Just PLEASE don’t say that DVC book!  Ah, hell - go ahead if you must.

BL:  Ragtime by E.L.Doctorow.  Talk about storytelling at it’s finest and making every word count.  If you were asking for a list, I know I’d include Gatsby, just to give me some credibility, and something by Hemingway and a couple by Ira Levin, and, oh, yeah - Catch 22, and I suppose The Catcher In The Rye (or J.D., if he reads this, will never speak to me again), and Time and Again, and early Harold Robbins (Never Love A Stranger, A Stone for Danny Fisher), and Robert Traver (Anatomy of a Murder) and Evan Hunter/Ed McBain and Joe Wambaugh, and who or what am I forgetting?  Yikes!  Ray Bradbury! Philip Roth!  Oh, and Freddy the Pig by Walter R. Brooks…DVC?  Nope.  Haven’t read it…

Ragtime! Absolutely!  Oh, J.D. said he might drop in-he’s not mad at you,okay?  And as far as Robbins goes - I’ve always felt he was a master.

EE:  We’ve had some pretty interesting Walter Mitty dreams offered here at On The Bubble, Bob - what’s yours?

BL:  I’ll level with you…My dream was to write a novel and get it published.  I got lucky and pulled it off.  Other than that, it’s been to write a play and get it performed.  I’m sort of on that road now.  "Transcript", a one-act I wrote a few months ago during a breather from the novels and the short stories, is on tap to be staged during the International Mystery Writers Festival at RiverPark Center in Owensboro, KY - June 12-17.  (Subtle how I worked in the plug, eh, Elaine?)

Congrats on the play!  And Bob? You don’t have to be subtle here - this is about you…so thanks for letting us know what else you’re up to. 

EE:  You and I have seen a lot of changes lo these past decades in Bookville - what trend or which writer stands out in your mind?

BL:  Judge Traver for sure.  With Anatomy of a Murder, the novel I credit with inspiring lawyers to leave the courtroom where they belong and invade the wunnerful-wunnerful world of fiction.  Joe Wambaugh, of course, brought realism to the ranks of fictional cops and perhaps single-handedly created a breed of writers who’ve been following his lead ever since.

A trend that stands out in my mind?  The rise of the small press, where new homes and hopes have opened up for both new and established writers.

Couldn’t agree more… And yes - a round of applause for small presses!

EE:  Other than your own - which series protag do you most identify with?

RL: According to a just-this-minute tour of authors and titles on my bookshelves, hunting for an answer:  Nobody.  (I’d love to say Sherlock Holmes, but I still haven’t figured out why that damned dog didn’t bark.)

Maybe someone out there can tell us why the dog didn’t bark?

EE:  Your favorite non-writing quote?

BL:  "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart."  Anne Frank

Lovely - thank you for reminding us.

EE:  How would you like to be remembered?

BL:  Fondly

Count on it.

EE:  What writer or book has influenced you the most?

BL:  The Kinsey Report

I wasn’t ready for that, Bob…but, uh…what the hell, huh?

EE:  Are the rumors true that you were the one who killed Paul Guyot’s blog - INK SLINGER - and do you have plans to convince him to leave Murderati???!!!!

BL:  First, understand I was among the first to pronounce his name correctly (it rhymes with Gaul) - and yes, ‘mdear, I plead guilty.  I screamed at him for wasting his time and considerable talent blogging, using his blog as his time-crunching excuse for not writing the novel he wanted desperately to write.  So, Paul - quit the blog - and the rest - as they don’t say isn’t history.  Not yet, anyway…  (Paul, you reading this?  Paul?)

Okay, just wait a minute here… We’re all for Paul working on his novel…but we ain’t letting him leave Murderati!  So - as much as I love you, Bob - knock it off, okay? 

Meanwhile, you won’t catch me blogging.  What I have to say, I say on (wait for it) (here it comes) (another subtle plug) - my website:  http://www.robertslevinson.com   And, in response to invitations to Q & A visits on wonderful blogs like yours, sweet Elaine…

All of us at Murderati appreciate your compliment - and want you back again.  So consider this an open invitation.

Okay, are we done?  Is it a wrap?  If so, thanks for inviting me; thanks to all who’ve read down to here; and please join me in pausing for a moment in fond memory of the indomitable Barbara Seranella.

A wonderful exit from a terrific guy…

23 Comments

Posted by Murderati on January 24th, 2007 in On The Bubble

I’ve been asked to be the spokesperson for the WHY IS GILLIAN ROBERTS RETIRING AMANDA PEPPER CONCLAVE that is in the workings - but I refused.  I mean, after THIRTEEN books - the latest and out now - A HOLE IN JUAN - and two Emma Howe books - I think Gillian Roberts deserves this break she’s taking.  How much more could we ask from this absolutely wonderful writer?  So she wants to try something new…should we drag her through town and display her at the town square?  Stamp our feet, wave placards, cry with crocodile tears?  We could, but that would be mean spirited after all the joy she has given us - and the terrific adventures she’s let us tag along with her on… (and don’t shake your head at my poor use of grammar here - I’m speaking from the heart - so who really cares?)  Instead, let’s just wish her luck with her new book and tell her to hurry the hell up so we can all read it.

By the way - In case some of you didn’t know -Judy taught at the University of San Franciso in their MFA in Writing program for nearly a dozen years.  And…ta da…she will be resuming her fiction classes ( 8 sessions) in March at Book Passages (independent book store in Corte Madera, California) in March.  If you live nearby or in the San Francisco Bay Area, and would like to learn from one of the best - give Judy an email at:  Judygilly@aol.com

Now come and chat with us - Judy will be watching - so remember what I said - she’s earned the break, so be nice, okay?

GILLIAN ROBERTS   http://www.gillianroberts.com

EE:  So, Judy - at what point in your day do you find it difficult to remember who you are?  I mean, you’ve got Judy (Jude on occasion), Gillian, Amanda, Emma and Billie - and heaven only knows who the hell else is lurking around.  Whew!  Did you ever see that great Joanne Woodward movie - "The Three Faces of Eve"?  Joanne only had to contend with three faces - you’ve got five!

GR,etc:  Dear heart, I don’t know quite how to say this, but…Amanda, Emma and Billie are…fictional.  That is: not real.  (Are you okay?  Did I break it to you too abruptly?)  It doesn’t seem fair to count them as ‘me’.  I have enough problems being two-faces as Gillian and Judy!

I’m okay…really.  I’m over it.  If you wanna stick with just two, that’s okay with me - but look at all the fun you’ve had being so many great dames!

EE:  Many writers I know have quotes - or inspirational reminders nearby as they work.  Do you have one?  Care to share?

GR,etc:  For many years, I had the following taped to my computer:  "Don’t Write it Right.  Write it Down."  I can’t remember whose wise saying it was, but I still love it as a way to face the terrors - and maintain my usual low standards.  (These days, I have a little golden milagro of a stack of books pasted to my compute screen.  You never know…)

Oh, will you listen to her?  Low standards?  Ha!  I should have such low standards!

EE:  What is the most important thing you tell your writing students?  Give us something we can all hang our hat on.

GR,etc:  Do it.  Don’t talk about doing it, don’t plan to do it: do it.  And then do it again.  Writing is a lifelong apprenticship - begin it now.  (But that’s two things.  Or three…)

Great advice.  No, the BEST advice.  How many of us are guilty of that before we sat down and bit the bullet?  Any of our readers care to tell us their tale of ‘I’ll-do-it-when-I-have-time-itis’?

EE:  Okay, Judy - let’s hear who you’d love to have all to yourself in a softly-lit corner of the bar next month at LCC?

GR,etc:   I promised the person I wouldn’t say.  I want to see your look of surprise when you find us in that dark corner…

Oh, you little devil, you - you’ve got Redford showing up,huh?  I know he’s your neighbor in Tiburon.  Thought I was living in a cave up here in the Northwest, huh?  Ohhh…I’m so excited!  I better rebook that facial I cancelled.  I’ll just stop by to say hello, that’s all.  I promise.  Sorta.

EE:  Rumor has it that all those trips you take to Guatemala are to finalize the decorating details for the rehab spa you’ve established for writers who can’t stay off the internet and continuously miss their deadlines.  Now, we don’t expect you to name names…but I have it on good authority that your twenty room casitas (with private bath) are booked up until 2010.

 

GR,etc:  Your authorities aren’t so good, cookie.  I told you when you tried to register that we’re booked until 2017!

Note:  I kidded Judy about the trips she and her husband take to Guatemala on purpose.  But here - in her words - is the real reason.  I wanted everyone to know about this wonderful and selfless act.  I should think a round of applause in in order, don’t you?

GR,etc:  Of course, in truth, it’s my husband who’s been there a kazillion times, translating for a group of volunteer doctors.  I have no skills.  I don’t mind taking credit for his good works, though.

It takes few skills, Judy - to be a giving person…and you have them in spades.

EE:  Okay, here’s a tough one for you:  What would you do if you weren’t writing?  Other than join the Peace Corps.

GR,etc:  Unable to drop the writerly habit of peeking behind (metaphorical) curtains, needing to unearth (fictional) people’s embarrassing secrets - I’d undoubtedly annoy the hell out of everybody I met until somebody had me arrested for trespassing.

Oh, I love that answer!  Between all of us writers - we could sure as hell populate the jails!

EE:  Writers like to say they lie and get paid for it.  I know I do.  So, what about you, Judy?  When do you find lying acceptable?  Okay, how’s little white lies then?

GR,etc:  My sad secret is that I have real trouble lying in real life, so I do try to avoid it.  But small evasions of unnecessary truths: ("What a beautiful baby!"  "No, you don’t look fat,"  "This is the best book I’ve ever read!" - that final one is to be said to me by kind people) - are always in season.

Ahem.  So you really didn’t mean it when you told me I didn’t look fat?   

EE:  Mysteryville is abuzz with talk that many of your English teacher fans are up in arms over Amanda Pepper taking leave.  I’m also hearing rumors that the plan a march in San Francisco next week and are heading for Tiburon.  I guess you’ll be out of town?

GR,etc:  Yup.  Casita #5, Antiqua, Guatemala.

Want company?  I could handle a few days off…

EE:  Okay, Judy - let’s get serious here.  Which living person do you most admire?  Besides me, that is.

GR,etc:  Really, really seriously?  Right now: Nancy Pelosi, for being all the things she is, has done, and represents - but also, all the voters who put her in position to be Speaker of the House.

Admirable choice.  She’s the epitome of ‘You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby’.

EE:  Time for the Walter Mitty Dream, kiddo.  Tell us yours.

GR,etc:  I hate to be sappy but - to me, the best part about being a writer of fiction is the chance to be all different sorts of people and to live many lives.  Before I settled into writing, I thought about being a lawyer (so I’ve written/become one), a psychologist (so I’ve written/become one) and always wanted to be taller, thinner, younger, braver and smarter - so I’ve written that character, too.  And of course I’ve wanted to avenge wrongs and take revenge from time to time.  That’s the real perk of being a mystery writer, even though of all of my victims, only two were "real" people.  Poor Mr. Mitty needed a computer in which to live out his dreams and sometimes get royalty checks for them, too.

Not sappy at all.  A reason - I think - many writers would identify with…  I know I do.  And I’ve killed off a few dastardly antiques dealers I knew in real life.  And I’m not sorry either.

EE:  We all have favorite books we revisit - which book do you find you read again and again and again?

GR,etc:  This is really embarrassing.  I’m sure real writers have a lodestone book, and I’ve tried and tried to think of one myself.  But aside from reference books, or re-reading classics as research while I was writing the Amanda Pepper books, I can’t think of any I intentionally re-read.  Could this be related to the fact that I’m a compulsive book-buyer with no desire to be cured, so there are close to 1,000 waiting-to-be read books in the house?

Possibly.

EE:  So now that we know Amanda is retiring - what’s up next?

GR,etc: For both of us, new adventures.  She’ll have to tell you about hers.  As for me, I’m working on a historical novel set in Colonial Mexico during the Inquisition.  I can’t seem to get away from murder, but apparently being garroted and/or burned at the stake doesn’t need ’solving’.  So Gillian might also be taking a vacation on the Riveria or wherever she’s been while I wrote all those mysteries for her, and this might be a Judy book.  I honestly don’t know, and that’s scary.  But that’s probably what makes it an adventure.

And one we’ll all be waiting for!

My thanks to Judy for visiting with us - for willing to play with Evil E - but most of all - for being one of the truly lovely women I’ve been priviledged to know in Mysteryville.

**********************************************************************************************************************

Hope to see you next week when Bob Levinson takes the plunge.  Oh, what an interview that’s gonna be.

14 Comments

Posted by Murderati on January 17th, 2007 in On The Bubble

It is said - one picture is worth a thousand words.  So take a gander at this photo of Simon Wood.  Looks like the guy next door, right?  Clean cut, happy smile -loves his dog, Royston -just the epitome of a happy-go-lucky guy who waves at his neighbors, helps elderly women across the street, catches the ball for the kid next door and throws it back with a huge grin.  Just your all-around nice guy.  Hmmm.  Hard to believe that open, charming smile belongs to a guy who hunches over a laptop until the wee hours conjuring murder, fear, and enough horror to make you hide under the covers.  Mr. Charm here has done just that in countless short stories, four horror anthologies, four books - CRESTFALLEN’S WIDOW, DRAGGED INTO DARKNESS, ACCIDENT’S WAITING TO HAPPEN and his latest - WORKING STIFFS.   Oh, and did I mention several articles in Writer’s Digest?

I’ve known Simon for quite some time - I always want to hug him when I see him.  He just does that to me.  But after I began reading his work…well, now I just blow him a kiss and leave it at that.  See, I’m afraid of the dark.  I admit it.  And - well, Simon scares the hell out of me now.  I mean, anyone who can come up with some of the stories he’s done - well, I’d rather stay on his good side.

But not today.

SIMON WOOD   http://www.simonwood.net

EE:  Scuttlebutt Station reports the real reason you moved to the U.S. was to infiltrate the Northern California chapter of Mystery Writers of America to suss out the rumors that the surplus of talent there is a result of the unique weather conditions surrounding the San Francisco Bay Area.  Don’t tell me your Brit handlers think that just because the climate surrounding San Fran is the key to the best French bread (Sourdough to the unenlightened) in the world might have something to do with growing creativity!

SW:  I must admit I have a bread addiction.  I used to travel to France for bread.  Living in Breadtown by the Bay seemed like a cheaper alternative.  Then I saw the house prices.  I’d leave but I’ve blown all my bread on bread.  That’s why I turned to writing.  I’m hoping to earn enough to cover my addiction.

Oh, very clever - but you don’t fool me.  I happen to have it on good authority that you’re working undercover for Ali Karim who is planning an expose for SHOTS MAGAZINE.  I’ll plead for mercy in your behalf - but I can’t promise anything, okay? 

EE:  But then, my number one Brit spy has another version for your immigrating to the colonies.  He tells me that Fergie was smitten with you when she first saw you race those single-seaters in old Blighty - and she’s still sending you flowers.  How well is Julie handling this?

SW:  No, I came to this country for a different Fergie, she belonging to the black eyed peas variety.  Julie handles it well.  She’s hoping someone will take me off her hands.

A different Fergie and black eyes peas?  I’m sorry, darling…but you really lost me there.  Oh, wait.  I get it.  Answer #44a/397/TK  when being interrogated by Evil E.  Yes, yes - I know all about that code being passed around Mysteryville.  Like I’ve said - I have spies everywhere.

EE:  So, Simon - I understand you have a thing about elephants.  What does Royston think about this?

SW:  Lainey, I’m not sure what you’re referring to here???

Oh, sure - use your pet name for me here will you?  If you think that’s gonna soften me up and make my questions less intense - think again, baby.  I don’t fall over that easy.  Well, that’s not to say I can’t be had - but the price is high.

EE:  I’m hearing rumbles that you plan to fly over and buzz Barbra Streisand’s beach front villa just for kicks.  Guess you never heard about the guy she sued, huh?  You ready for her heat?  The publicity will NOT endear you to her fans.  But then, now that I think of it - I doubt they read.

SW:  I’m doing her the favor.  She needs some good buzz after cussing out a heckler.  I do what I can for Babs. 

True.  That’s awfully kind of you.  She is getting rather long in the tooth - and I imagine her career could use a boost or two.  By the way - I know a few good lawyers just in case.  In fact, you could always sic Dylan Schaffer on her or John Hart.  Dylan’s in South America now, but John might be willing to take time out from his next mega-hit and help out.  Call me, okay?

EE:  Horrorville is abuzz with talk about a certain jealous writer (name withheld for security reasons) blabbing that the reason you write creepy-scary stuff is because you’re really afraid of the dark and your therapist insists it will help you manage turning off the lights at night.  Here’s your chance to squelch that dastardly rumor.

SW:  Jealous people say mean things.  I ain’t afraid of the dark.  No night lights in my bedroom, although Royston’s eyes do glow in the dark.  He makes for a great dachshund flashlight.  Mirrors at night, that’s a different story…

I think I’ll leave that one alone.

EE:  You’ve just rented a billboard on the freeway heading for the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge - what does it say?

SW:  Where’s the sodding cycle lane?

Oh, hell, Simon!  That’s not fair.  I wanted something profound - earth shattering - scintillating - explosive!

EE:  So - what’s this I hear about you wanting Selma Hayek to sit on you lap?  Is this something you’d like to share with us, Simon?

SW:  Selma said, "I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do."  I’d just like to know whether I pass muster.

Oh.

EE:  Uh, after that - I think we’ll just ease into one of my regular questions.  Sound of clearing throat goes here.  Which writer would you love to have all to yourself (note: I have eliminated ‘cozy’ in deference to our Head Mistress) - in a dark corner of the bar at LCC next month?

SW:  Well, not all authors get the kind of advances they would like.  This is where I come in.  I lend a little money here, a little money there.  I just request that when they pay back my generosity they include a little gratuity.  So I have a number of writer friends who’ve yet to repay my kindness.  I won’t embarrass anyone by saying who they are, but I’ll be needing a dark corner.  The darker the better.

Gratuity?  Uh, isn’t that called ‘vig’?  And now that I think of it - money lenders usually have a sign outside their place of business - three balls, right?  So listen up, Simon - if you took those three balls…and …well, you could call Selma then.  You will keep us posted, won’t you?

After that - I think we’re out of here, folks…

But do stop by again - coming attractions include, besides the rest of my blogmates (why should they get a free pass?) - and not in the following order:  Jim Born, David Corbett, Lee Goldberg, Doug Lyle, Joan Hess, Gillian Roberts, Phil Hawley, Dave White & Bryon Quertermous together!, Bob Levinson, Keith Snyder, Barry Eisler, Suzanne Beecher, Kevin Burton Smith, Ken Bruen, Lee Child and Marcus Sakey.  And return engagements by …well, never mind - you’ll just have to drop in and see for yourself.

Hmmm…I just noticed I only have three women listed.  I wonder what a shrink would have to say about that?

20 Comments

Posted by Evil E on January 10th, 2007 in On The Bubble

YES - IT’S FINALLY HERE.  THE INTERVIEW YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR - OUR HEADMISTRESS - OUR RESIDENT DIPLOMAT TO THE UNITED BLOGOSPHERE (some of us occasionally need one)- IS GONNA GET IT TOO.

But let’s not get carried away just yet.  Pari, as you all know - is the sassy mother of Sasha Solomon - the quirky gal inhabiting two Agatha nominated mysteries:  THE CLOVIS INCIDENT and THE BELEN HITCH - with SOCORRO soon to be in your favorite independent bookstore (and chains, naturally).  I love Sasha - she doesn’t suffer fools very well, but when she does - it is with such elan… and has us laughing all the while.  Were I to be so accomplished.  I could go on and on - tell you that Pari and I first met at Bcon/Las Vegas - she moderated the ‘newbie’ panel (which I was on) and as a newbie herself - did a standup job.  We became fast friends then - and still are.  So why am I telling all this breaking news?  Well, see - it’s like this - I just couldn’t bring myself to grill her too hard.  At least not this first time.  When SOCORRO comes out - that’ll be a different story.  I mean, she’s been snowed in with her girls home from school and I understand she’s been, well…sort of sloshing around the snowdrifts making those so-called snowshakes.  Suffice it to say she’s a bit frazzled at just now.  And good friend that I am, I’ll take it light this time.  I’m not always evil, you know.

So, here she is - PARI NOSKIN TAICHERT   http://www.parinoskintaichert.com

Okay, I lied.  After seeing this photo - I was too chicken to ruffle her feathers. It’s kinda small (Pari’s fault not mine- so blame her if you have to squint) - but I still got the message.  That’s quite a kick she’s managed to master.

EE:  So, Pari - I’ve been hearing rumors that Jackie Chan is a fan of yours - and when he found out that you’re into Tae Kwon Do, he went bananas and wants you in his next film which begins shooting in April, but you’ve turned him down to go to Malice.  Are you nuts, or what?

PT:  That’s partially true because, well, Jackie is slowing down a little and I just wasn’t sure he’d be up to the stunts we discussed.  But, I did propose doing some of the filming at Malice - you know - a chase scene during the tea with all of those ladies wearing such wonderful hats.  He said he’d get back to me.

Well, guess I should tell you that he called me today.  He’s a little nervous about being around all those women who kill for fun and profit.  He’s hoping you might reconsider the venue and is asking me to be the go-between.  He was thinking about the parking lot-he’ll have a Hummer waiting for him just in case the ladies get too rambunctious.  Let me know, okay?

EE:  Talk of the Town is that a group of citizens (and fans) are trying to get you to run for mayor of Belen, New Mexico.  They claim you’ve done more to put their fair little town on the map than Mayor Torres - and they want you bad.  What does Sasha think about all of this?

PT:  Ronnie Torres is only a part-time mayor.  He’s really a hairdresser (I kid you not.)  I wouldn’t dare run against him; I don’t know the first thing about conditioners.  As to Sasha’s opinion?  She’s firmly against the idea.  She’d rather I write her into more travels - maybe in other small towns out of New Mexico - like Antibes or Cap St. Jean Ferrat.

Oh? Going international, huh?  Hey, I’m with you!  Listen - I know of a gorgeous little villa overlooking Lake Como that maybe I can get you and Sasha into.  My friend George has a lovely place there.  He’d do anything for me.  I saved his…well, nevermind.  Want me to call him?

EE:  A voice from your past told me that the belly dancing routines you did on that TV show you had some years ago (I’m not saying how many, okay?) was considered quite…er…spicy, and it had to be taken off the air after the local square dance and polka groups put up a fuss.  Wanna splain that, kiddo?

PT:  Nah, that didn’t happen.  But something that did:  I hated Econ 101, despised it and wasn’t doing too well in the class.  The night before my final, I had a dancing engagement in Beloit College’s "coffee house."  (They served really good micro-brewery beers - not coffee.)  Anyway, I was dancing away with too much merriment when I did this nifty spin and turned to face…you guessed it…my Econ prof.  Somehow, I passed the final.

Well, hell - one look at that outfit you’re wearing must have made him realize…well, how about ‘one picture is worth a thousand words’?  I think we can fill in the blanks here.

EE:  Just between us gals, tell me about that year in Hong Kong when you were supposed to be studying at the Chinese University.  I mean, okay - so you really do speak Chinese and Russian - but - well, do I have to spell it out?  You weren’t really a student, right?  If you want to say it was research for a novel, go ahead - but…

PT:  Of course I was studying.  I spent a whole damn year painting one character in calligraphy.  That’s the only class I truly remember.  But, in Hong Kong proper, there was this great bar called Waltzing Matilda’s where the Aussie and British ex-pats used to hang out.  Oh, and the tea at the Peninsula was to die for.  And, I used to save up all my money to go to Gaylord’s, a fab Indian restaurant in Kowloon…

Hells bells!  If it takes a damn year to paint one character - I’d be hanging out at a few bars myself.

EE:  Okay, enough of the light stuff.  Which writer would you love to have all to yourself in a cozy corner of the bar next month at Left Coast Crime?

PT:  Cozy!!?  Did you say "cozy?"  I’m so tired of people putting me in …oh, excuse me…um…  You know what?  I’d love to hang out with all of the Murderati crowd.  Hell, I’d love to hang out with absolutely anyone who’ll buy me an Oban or two.  Frankly, at conventions, I find just about everyone fascinating.

Crapola!  I didn’t think!  Yes - that damned word!  Funny - I didn’t realize it until now.  You can bet I’ll be changing the wording from now on.  I HATE IT TOO!  I mean - we write about murder, right?  What the hell is COZY about that?  Note to readers:  Did you notice she really didn’t give us a specific name?  See what I mean?  Diplomacy r us to the max.  Damn, I hate that in a woman.

EE:  Since you’re gonna side-step all my questions, how about telling me about your Walter Mitty dream?

PT:  You know, I really can’t think of much.  Well, there’s that chateau in Cap St. Jean Ferrat…and the jet-setting around the world to meet adoring readers…and being paid to do it.  There’s the win at American Idol.  There’s that great review in NYT.  There’s dancing the tango in Argentina.  Actually, dancing professionally would be pretty cool.  There’s that seventh don in Tae Kwon Do, and being able to do flying kicks and actually get hang time.  To look like Alex, Twist, Harley or Laura.  There’s brokering world peace,  Solving the global warming problem.  Eradicating child abuse…  I know that list is pretty mundane, but, really, my life is good.  Family, friends, love, health, a career that will pay someday.  What could be better?

Not a hell of a lot, Pari.  Not at all.  Unless… well, nevermind.  I guess I was thinking about you and Jackie Chan.  I mean, there’s this small role he promised me…and I just thought…well, being we’re friends and all… but, don’t give it another thought, okay?

EE:  Here’s an easy one:  You just bought a month’s advertising on a billboard.  What’s it gonna say?

PT:  Hey, I just wrote a Murderati post about creative space and I’m answering these questions with the kids still around.  So, I’ll take a first shot and reserve the right to change it when I’ve had a couple of gallons of coffee.

Let’s see…Billboards need short text and a lot of white space.  I’d have great graphics of my books, maybe me smiling…maybe not.

And, I like the idea of a campaign that would change weekly (I might even want to change it more frequently) to interest the commuters on the freeway going to and from work.

1st week - "Buy my books.  You know you want them."

2nd week - "You must have my books."  Imagine Vincent Price saying that!

3rd week - "I mean it."

4th week - "I know where you live."

Okay, well, that might be a bit scary.  Let me get another tankard of coffee.  ‘Kay?’

Uh, yes - please do.  Take your time.  I’ll just step out while you gather your thoughts.  No hurry.  Honest.  Oh, by the way - I moved.  I’ll, uh, get my new address to you soon.  Ciao.

I heard from Pari today.  She’s doing fine now.  The coffee did wonders for her mood.  The trembling is gone, the girls are back in school - she’s back to squirting whipped cream in her mouth…and I hope to hell the snow has melted.  Those forays out to the slush stuff were sort of doing her in…

Thanks for stopping by today - and don’t forget about ITW’s grand giveaway!

"150 Thrillers" Contest!  Just signing up here for the free online ITW newsletter, you’ll be entered for a chance to win a whole library of new, author-signed thrillers. A hundred and fifty, in all.

p.s. I stole this from Louise’s post today.  I have to be a little evil, don’t I?

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